Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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