So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
