69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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