My brain says no but my pants say off.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
