Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
