For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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