Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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