Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize