I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
