If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize