Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
When did angry sex become our thing?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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