she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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