all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
