spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
