Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize