You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize