I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize