You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
