I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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