if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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