ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
