He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
