Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize