My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
