He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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