Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize