just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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