one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
