Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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