At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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