In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My balls are so social today.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
