I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
