so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
