I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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