It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
