Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
