exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
