lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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