The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize