in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
sarcasm needs its own font
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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