I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
