That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
