he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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