So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
wrigley field is MILF paradise
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
