Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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