YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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