I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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