The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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