You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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