That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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