So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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