My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
