So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize