Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize