covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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