I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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