Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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