her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
