Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Randomize
