My hand turned me down
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
