I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
