he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
