Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
