I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
