I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
