They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
