Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
