i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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