she woke up with a sticky ear
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Randomize
