Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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