Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
