Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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