Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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