Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
nutella sex= disaster
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
