Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
