Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
