I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
