so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
