you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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